So drunk its hurt
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My feet surprised me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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