He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
