Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
