you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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