Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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