why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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