I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
