We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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