New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
