I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
