Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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