I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
