Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
