you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
