the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
