You can't special order awesome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
