If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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