I think i peed on brittanys purse
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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