1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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