Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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