my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
