I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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