I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
