It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
