There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
