Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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