don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
