Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
