Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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