i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
