u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
