arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
