It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
