You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
