I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
