I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
