I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
