Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
