if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dick has a subreddit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
