so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
