think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
