I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
