I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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