I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
