It's Friday. Sex?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
