my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
