No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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