I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
