Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
