1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
