I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
