o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
