Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
