fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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